The One Liners

Many people don’t know that legendary Richard Nixon started out as a weatherman.
“Let me make tomorrow perfectly clear. Perfectly clear.”

The elementary school was evacuated today because of high mercury levels.
Officials found four Mercurys dripping out in the parking lot.

When we go to parties, I’ve asked my wife to stop referring to me as her late husband.
The worst part is when they shake my hand and say, “I’m so sorry.”

Disappointment at the Florida space center today as their latest rocket to Jupiter landed short of its target, crashing into Tequesta.

Bill Gates always talks in ‘computer language’. When his car lost its Reverse gear, he took it AAMCO and asked them to restore his backup.

Since gas got so expense, I’ve noticed a lot more “UnUsed Car Lots” around.

Church officials were embarrassed when they had to announce that the new book, “The Life Of The Holy Spirit” was ghost written.

Joan Rivers almost drowned today when she fell into the fountain of youth. She was pulled to safety by local resident, Jack La Lannne.

The Mob announced a serious drop in enrollment today. If they loose any more members, they’ll have to rename themselves, “That Bunch Of Guys”.

A new movie is being released in Iraq today called, “Sex in Sadr City”.

Israel celebrated its sixtieth birthday by moving to Miami Beach.

Times are so tough that even children are saying, “Back in my day…”

Take it slow, Advice from Joe