The One Liners

While searching for missing adventurer, Steve Fossett, rescuers discovered the remains of legendary pilot, Sky King. It’s been almost fifty seasons since King disappeared while flying the Songbird to the Canary Islands. Officials at Buckingham Palace say that the Queen is taking King’s passing as well as can be expected. Prince Phillip was relieved to hear that King was still dead. Penny and Clipper were unable to comment on the news as they were tied and gagged while waiting for somebody to rescue them.

The price of Rice has doubled in the last year, prompting President Bush to take drastic measures. “I intend to cut Condalisa’s salary by fifty percent, which should bring the price back down to last year’s levels.

Commented Condalisa’s husband, Jerry, “I guess I better start dancing again.”

Uncle Ben raised the price of rice today, blaming the high cost of the conversion process.

Today, Michael Jackson announced his intentions of becoming a Catholic priest. “I’m uniquely qualified,” he stated while putting the finishing touches on his latest song, “Sister Billie Jean Is Not My Lover”.

President Bush has announced a daring plan to eliminate roadside bomb attacks in Iraq. “We’re going to remove every single road in the region, severely limiting where the terrorists can place these bombs.”
When asked how he intended to eliminate the thousands of miles of roadway in Iraq, he explained, “We’re going to bomb them.”

Plans for the sixties soulful group, “The Fifth Dimension” to reunite were dashed today as only a couple of the original members were willing to participate. They didn’t want the group to be two-dimensional.

I got my rebate check today. When I spent it, I made sure to ask the guy to wash my windshield and check the tires.

Take it slow, Advice from Joe