The One Liners

President Bush said that he’s been misunderstood regarding his policy towards drilling for oil in Alaska. “I didn’t say to drill IN Alaska. I said, drill TO Alaska. You start in Seattle and drill north, right under Canada and there you are.”

On American Idol, Paula Abdaul gave herself high marks for her singing performance until it was pointed out that she hadn’t sung a song that night. She quickly saved herself by ripping Simon’s singing performance.

Further indication that our nation’s military is stretched too thin when former Marine Gomer Pyle was called back into active duty in Iraq. As officers dragged Mr. Nabors from his Hollywood mansion, he kept yelling, “It was only a character that I played on TV!”

A guy came up behind me and asked, “Did you write “Never Entertain During Watermelon Season”, “The Fountain Of Youthfulness” and “Baseball Is Full Of Surprises”?”
“Why, err… yes I did!”
“Well, here’s your books. You dropped them in the street back there.”

Questions about John McCain’s age were raised by a reporter who pointed out that Ronald Regan was always falling asleep during meetings.
McCain responded, “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”

The city of Crawford, Texas announced that they are renaming their downtown shopping district, “W” after their most famous resident. President Bush was on hand to congratulate the officials from Wal-Mart.

Facing budget cuts, the Park Service eliminated the position of “Smokey the Bear” today.
Bear was unavailable for comment.
He appeared agitated when he left the office where he had been told to turn in his dungarees and hat.
He was heard asking, “Can I, at least keep the shovel?” as they pushed him out the door.
Upon leaving the building, he was tranquilized and transported thousands of miles up into the mountains where he can eat nuts and berries like all of the other bears.

Reports are, Smokey Robinson was devastated by the news.