The One Liners

Today it was announced that singer Tony Orlando has moved and changed his name. He is now known as Tony Tampa.
When asked if he’d done this before, the singer’s wife, Dawn said, “Oh yes. Back when we lived in Oklahoma City.”

Hillary Clinton visited the movie studios of George Lucas today. Arriving under heavy Taser fire, Mrs. Clinton was whisked inside the building where she met legendary actor, Indiana Jones. She commented, “You’re named after a city, just like Tony Tampa.”
When it was pointed out that Indiana was a state, she asked, “Did I win that one?”

In a related story, Harrison Ford bought a new car and changed his name. He is now known as Harrison Honda. The actor stated, “I get much better mileage now!”

Riding on the current craze, a new TV show is being developed which will combine Race Car Drivers with celebrity vehicles. The program will be called, “Dancing With The Cars.”
Guests on the first episode will include The Batmobile, The Knight Rider Car, and the old Porter who played Jerry Van Dyke’s Mother.

The most popular female driver bowed out of the competition, saying that she didn’t know how to danica.

If singer, Simply Red passed away, how would they announce it on the news?
“Simply Red is simply dead.”

In a recent barbequing accident, The Amazing Kreskin accidently set himself on fire. From now on, he will be known as The Ablazing Kreskin.

Legendary jockey, the late Willie Shoemaker was honored at the racetrack today. Shoemaker, who originally was a cobbler, was attracted to racing by the smell of shoe leather. In a symbolic move, a rider-less horse ran in the seventh race and came in first, prompting officials to say, “Willie’s still got it!”

Gangster, Killer Smith was laid to rest today. In a symbolic gesture, his body was pushed out of a speeding car as it passed the gravesite.

That's why I Take it slow, Advice from Joe