The One Liners

Scientists have discovered large amounts of Rogaine in the nations streams and ponds. At the same time, park officials announced a significant change in the bald eagle population.
“I’d call it peach fuzz,” commented one birdalogogist. “But it’s a start.”

Historians discovered an unreleased song from the sixties by Gordon Lightfoot. It’s an autobiographical tune called, “It ain’t heavy, it’s my foot”.

It was reported today that Tony The Tiger, The Exxon Tiger, and Snagglepuss were all played by the same cat.
Mr. Cat was disturbed about the report being released and gave three comments to reporters. First he said,
“Well, that’s just great!”
Then, he said,
“Heavens to Murgatroid”
He finished by saying,
“That’ll be eighty-seven, fifty please. Would you like a car wash with that?”

A Commercial that you will Never see
“Hello, Mr. Smith? We’ve received a signal that you have air bag deployment?”
“Yes! Yes! I’ve had an accident!”
“And I see you on Highway 25, ten miles north of Ojus?”
“Yes! Please help me!”
“Oh, Mr. Smith, I notice that your subscription has expired. Do you have a credit card?”
“My car is on its roof! I’m hanging upside down! I can’t get my credit card out now!”
“Well, do you know the last four digits of your social security number?”
“No! No! No!”
“How about your mother’s maiden name?”
“Aaaa, well, yes, it’s Mrs. Jones.”
“Oh, Mr. Smith, I see that Mrs. Jones has also let her subscription expire. We have a family plan available, which would be a good idea because we’ve just received a signal that Mrs. Jones has also had a car accident.”
“Yes! She just ran into me! Now we’re both upside down!”
“Oh, does Mrs. Jones have a credit card?”
“Mother!”

Take it slow, Advice from Joe, Renew your subscription