The One Liners

Singer Bobbi Gentry was arrested today for the murder of Billy Jo McAllister. She is accused of pushing him off the Tallahatchee Bridge back in 1969. For years, the death was listed as accidental until police determined that she just knew too darned much about the case.
Gentry has appealed the ruling while asking the judge to pass the biscuits, please.

U.S. officials have announced that the border fence is almost complete.
In a related story, Mexican officials announced a growing national interest in the sport of pole vaulting.

The original copy of the video game, “Grand Theft Auto” is missing. The developer had left the copy in his car, which was stolen overnight.
The developer is currently working on a new game called, “When I Catch The Son Of A Bitch”.

Freddy Mac’s house was foreclosed today. He said, “I probably shouldn’t have gotten an adjustable mortgage.” His wife, Fanny Mae is devastated as they search for a new place to live. The couple is raising Fanny’s two children, Behind and Buttocks.

With the steroid problem solved in baseball, now a new drug is showing up. Investigators said, “We noticed a increase in the size of the player’s rear ends. Now, we’ve discovered that many players are taking Asteroids.”
The hope is to stop this trend before it spreads to football and their offensive lines.

Two second fiddles have decided to unite and form a new singing duel named, “Peaches and Messina”. The move is seen as an attempt to thwart a hostile takeover by Microsoft, who have had their eyes on Peaches for years.
The software giant was quoted as saying, “Just look at those things!”

Years ago, Elton John rewrote one of his songs in honor of Princess Di.
Now, he’s been asked to convert one of his songs in honor of the victims of 9/11. The new song will called, “Bin Laden And The Jets”

Children’s Hospital was shut down by the state today for operating with under age doctors. Patients were transferred to nearby Adult Hospital.
Officials asked, “How can surgery be performed by doctors who don’t even shave?”

Shave it slow, Advice from Joe