The One Liners

The doctor who discovered the “head cold” passed away today. In honor of his discovery, his head was frozen.

The man who invented cremations drowned today and was lost at sea.
Said his son, “This wasn’t the way that he wanted to go.”

Due to copyright violations, the legendary TV show, “Scrubs” is changing its name to “Hospital Uniforms”.

Barry Bonds’ balls were sold today.

Why do strip miners wear clothes?

The legendary Sting returned to the police force today. He’s been assigned to Miami Vice where he’ll play the white guy.

You know what’s wrong with “Ride Your Bike To Work Day”?
The “To Work” part.

How many times have you heard somebody say, “Look, I didn’t write rules.”
Investigators determined today, exactly who did write the rules.
Barry Manalow. Just after he wrote all the songs.
(Sing it to yourself: “I write the rules that make the whole world…”)

Today, Ben Bernaki contacted the estate of Ernie Bushmiller, the legendary cartoonist who created “Nancy”. The hope is to locate Rollo the Rich Kid and see if he can help.

How come no famous runners come from Iran?

A documentary on Tyson opened in Cannes today, which explains exactly how they make those chicken parts. In Part Two, Tyson describes their vacuum cleaner technology.

Take it slow, Advice from Joe