The One Liners

Evil Kenival was cleared today of all charges. Said officials, “He wasn’t evil after all.”

The Miami Sound Machine was converted to run on ethanol today.
“We sound a little corny, but it’s cheaper,” said lead singer, Gloria Ethanol.

People can’t believe that I don’t own a cell phone.
People can’t believe that I don’t own an HDTV.
People can’t believe that I’m not in debt.

I can still remember the second time that I lost my virginity.

Dog the Bounty Hunter was captured today by a group of vigilante barbers.
“He’s had a price on his head for years,” said his relieved mother. “He looks so much better now.”

In a freak accident today, the Martian Rovers ran into each other. Said officials, “Apparently their Global Positioning Units only work on this globe.”

Scientists now think that El Nino may have helped Magellan circumnavigate the world.
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Everybody knows that Columbus sailed on the El Nino.

Kicking off her “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” Tour, legendary singer Diana Ross scaled Mt. Everest today. When asked about the view from up there, she said, “Ain’t no valley low enough.”

Tonight on “Knight Rider 2008”, Kit refuses to upgrade to Vista.

My favorite show is “ER” but I hate having to wait an hour for it to start.

The legendary Eagles announced that they want to reunite one more time before they’re extinct.

Take it slow, one of these nights