The One Liners

My friend said that his father was on his last legs.
Aren’t we all on our last legs?

The Olympic Committee has agreed to modernize and accept a new sport. It’s so new that it has no name so they’re simply going to call it, “That sport where you leap a little bicycle up in the air and twist around.”

Legendary singer Arlo Guthrie has released a follow up to his famous Thanksgiving Day song. The new song is called, “Oh yeah, and here’s what I did on Christmas”.

Ford recalled all of their trucks today.
“We just wanted to see them all again,” said Ford officials. “They never write.”

Legendary entertainer Rosanne is playing Las Vegas again in a new show called, “Rosanne Goes Topless.”
The first night the crowd could be heard chanting, “Put it on! Put it on!”

I cancelled my high-speed Internet and went back to using dial-up.
Now, I can’t spend money as fast.

The legendary John Madden has launched a new career as a Greyhound Bus driver.
“I’ve always wanted to sit up front,” boasted Madden.
During his first training session, he backed into his own bus, prompted him to say, “Boom!”

My friend got one of those new vibrating phones, but he won’t answer it.

A double amputee has been invited to participate in The Olympics. It’s still unclear how he’s going to get there. Said officials, “It’s a long walk, even for an un-amputee.”

It was learned today that legendary Dizzy Gillespie suffered from severe headaches.
“We had no idea,” said Dizzy’s son, Bellyache.

Take a BC powder slow, Advice from Joe