Yes, I work on Memorial Day

OJ’s plans for becoming a professional golfer were dashed today when he was unable to find a pair of gloves that fit.
“This always happens to me,” spilled The Juice.

The Pope issued a message to his followers today.
“Stop following me!”

The FAA has cancelled the upcoming tour of Paul McCartney and Wings so they could check the wiring bundles. Officials hope to have them up and flapping again in no time.

President Bush finally admitted why he won’t negotiate with terrorists.
“I can’t understand a word they’re saying.”

My dentist told me that I have blue tooth connectivity.

My friend used his stimulus check to buy a vibrator.

Legendary singer James Taylor was arrested for arson today.
“He admitted seeing it!” claimed officials who downplayed Taylor’s admission of also seeing rain.

Barry Bonds was asked if he still used cream.
He said yes, and two cubes of sugar.

Roofers walked off the job today, injuring thousands.
“We probably should have thought this out a little better,” said union officials as they tried to put the roofers back together again.

John McCain picked up support from at least one state today as he praised Indiana Jones.

Shock waves in the space industry today as William Shatner admitted that he’s never actually been in a spacecraft before. “It was just a set,” acknowledged Shatner as he boldly searches for another job.

Search real slow, Advice from Joe