The One Liners

A guy stopped me and asked if I’d sign a petition that called for world peace.
I said no, so he slugged me.

While drilling in the Martian soil, the Phoenix Space craft made an amazing discovery today.
Gas is four bucks a gallon up there, too.

Al Gore called for a re-count of the Florida vote today.
When Hillary thanked him for his support, Al said,
“I was talking about the year 2000 vote.”

Have you seen Scott McClellan’s new book, “Never Entertain During Watermelon Season”? (Maybe that’ll sell one for me!)

When President Bush found out that he was a lame duck, he said,
“Hey, maybe I can do one of those Aflac commercials.”

Sad news for baby boomers as Bunny Rabbit has died. Rabbit had appeared on Captain Kangaroo for fifty-seven years and was the last surviving cast member. (Mr. Moose was hit by a car back in 1997). Rabbit had also played the girl friend of Sergeant Carter on Gomer Pyle 94945.

That Texas sect is demanding the return of their children immediately.
Said sect leaders, “We haven’t had a wedding here in almost two months!”

I’m proud to say that I have never been assaulted by the police.
The trick is to obey their orders. For example, whenever a cop says to me,
“Stop or I’ll shoot!”
I stop! Plain and simple. I never have a problem with those guys.

Shoot me slow, Advice from Joe