Network officials have announced that legendary Huey Lewis has been suggested as a replacement for one of the major news anchors. The deal is being delayed, as officials are unable to think of a new name for the nightly program.
City officials announced that they’ve trimmed one point five million dollars from the budget today. Said the mayor,
“Apparently, one of the gardeners was earning one point five million dollars so we fired her.
In a related story, the city was slapped with a one point five million dollar lawsuit today by some lady driving a lawn mower.
General Motors has approached NASA about the possible sale of its Saturn division.
NASA was cool to the offer, sighting their heavy involvement with Mars.
John McCain announced that he would have a balanced budget in place in four years.
When asked why he wouldn’t have a balanced budget in the first, second or third years, he said, “I’m not running again until the fourth year.”
To help ward off fears of depression, Ben Bernanke advised that everybody cheer up.
A man was arrested today for impersonating the legendary Red Buttons.
When asked what the big break was in the case, officers said,
“He kept signing checks as Red Zippers.”
My wife told me that I live in the past.
I said, “Why couldn’t you have told me this, yesterday?”
Live it slow, Advice from Joe
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