The One Liners #98

My Doctor asked me if I could still perform.
I said, “Sir, I am an artist, not a performer.”

Dick Cheney is an avid bird hunter,
which is why Dan Quayle has never visited The White House.

They’ve invented a new hybrid hearse.
This one gets almost fifty plots per gallon.

Legendary Drew Carrey revealed that he’s also an artist.
“I didn’t know that Drew drew,” commented Drew Bledsoe.

They posted the list of the Ten Most Stolen Cars in America.
Sure enough, I’ve stolen all ten of them.

To give him a younger image, John McCain’s handlers have asked him to stop humming the theme song to The Flintstones.

Janet Jackson moved one step closer to being in The Super Bowl again.
She signed with the Tennessee Titians as a tight end.

Britney Spears explained why she has a special fascination with Madonna.
“When I was little, I learned all about her in church.”

Tiger Stadium was torn down today, releasing several tigers into downtown Detroit.
“We didn’t realize that they were playing at home this weekend,” said officials.

Tear it down slow, Advice from Joe