The One Liners #99

To increase revenues, the post office has created the “For Never” stamp.
No matter how much money you pay, it will never be valid.
Said postal officials, “Somebody’s bound to fall for it.”

There was a horse for sale and the advertisement said “15 Hands”.
That’s great, but how many legs does it have?

At the track yesterday, some guy told me that he was a bookie.
I said, “Hey, I’m an author too!”

The Iraqi government has issued a timetable for the Americans to leave, using the Johnny Mathis calendar. All troops must be gone by the twelfth of never.

Obama not only wants to talk to Raul Castro, he wants to take John McCain with him.
“John speaks better Spanish than I do.”

It was reported that legendary Chad and Jeremy have moved in together.
In reality, Jeremy has moved to Chad.

Karl Rove missed a congressional court date recently.
He said that he was walking his dog, Rover.

Apple has created a new phone for President Bush called the “I-Listen”.
“I wish they had given this to him eight years ago,” said Everybody.

Obama has admitted regrets about putting his kids on TV recently.
“Neither of them can sing,” sighed the candidate.

Sing it slow, Advice from Joe