The One Liners #242

President Bush has been invited to Baseball’s Opening Day.
He’s going to throw out the first shoe.

What brand of deodorant does the Secret Service use?

A mistake was made during the nation’s first Face and Butt transplant yesterday.
The mix-up was discovered when doctor’s noticed a long vertical crack along the length of the patient’s face.

As a sign of the times, Apple said that their new spokesperson would be some guy named Steve Unemployed.

Women will let their legs go natural tomorrow by declaring a “Spare the Nair Day”

They gave me a new lease on life. That was after I was denied a new mortgage on life.

If that Iraqi reporter had actually hit President Bush with his shoe,
he would have added injury to insult.

I never get an advance warning that I’m going to have a premonition.

My Internet connection is so slow that it still says my 401K has money in it.

I didn’t get the lead role in Hamlet.
They said that I wasn’t a big enough ham.

To be slow, Advice from Joe