The One Liners (sometimes, longer)

You know, the saddest thing about Wesley Snipes is that he never got to reap in the benefits of President Bush’s tax cuts.

On the subject of the Law:
A friend of mine was going to ride on a midnight patrol with the local police department. I attempted to save him a trip by describing what a midnight patrol really is like, using my many years of experience watching Adam-12.

You'll start off, driving around with your partner describing his latest crisis (like the baby that cries in the apartment next door). His tale will be interrupted by a radio call regarding a 459 suspect, there now. You'll respond and he'll very professionally arrest the man (who will be wearing a paisley shirt with bell bottoms).

Soon, you'll be driving around again as he continues his conversation about the little brat next door, only to be interrupted by a radio call regarding a missing child. This will actually be a humorous scene, as the parents will turn out to be drunks who can't remember if they actually have a child or not.

Once again, driving around, he will continue telling about the little bastard crying next door when he'll notice a car with a broken taillight. Pulling him over, the driver will turn out to be Ronnie Schell. After a humorous encounter, he'll be allowed to leave with a warning, "Don't let me find you with Jim Nabors later on!"

Your partner will be just about to finish his story about the little rug rat next door when a high-speed chase will commence. As he's calling headquarters, he'll ask you, "Does that tag say, Mary Ocean Roger? I don't have my glasses." Before you can answer, shots will be fired back at your car, at which point, your partner will say, "Hey, isn't that a Dunk'in Dounts over there?"

As you wrap up the Watch over a dozen chocolate creams, he'll say, "... and it turns out that the little rascal crying next door was actually the missing child that we were investigating before the first commercial break." You'll hear uplifting music in the background as the closing credits begin to roll.

I nailed it, didn’t I?

Take it slow, Advice from Reed and Maloy