The One Liners

I took our new cat, Betty in for her first round of shots. To save some money, I was going to take her to Oakland where they have drive by shootings all the time, but my wife said that once I factor in the gas and bridge toll, we may as well get her shot over here. It turned out that the vet couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, so he only winged her. Luckily Betty wasn't a bird.

We're trying a new vet with this round of cats. I don't want to say that our last vet was getting old, but when we took our former cat in for the last time, there was serious question as to which one to put to sleep.

This new vet seems pretty good, other than being a bad shot. That turned out to be pretty lucky, as I backed into the broad side of his barn while I was leaving. The broad wasn't hurt too bad. She was just lying there... screaming. How fortunate that the accident occurred at a medical facility. The vet wheeled her directly into his office and put her to sleep. Only cost a hundred and thirty-eight bucks.

I went to see the cardiologist yesterday to find out if all the Niacin that he prescribed has had any adverse side affects. He said that my side looked fine, however my ding-dong seemed to have grown eighteen inches. They didn’t mention that in the commercials.

I made the mistake of telling my doctor that I had written a book. He started telling me about his book called, "How To Grow An Eighteen Inch Ding-Dong And Bring Down Your Cholesterol At The Same Time". How in the world is he ever going to sell a book with a title like that?

Anyway, after pointing at my doctor’s wedding picture on his desk and asking, "Hey, who's that Ho?", he suggested that I go to my vet and get shot. I couldn't thank him enough. A hundred and thirty-eight bucks is a hell of a lot cheaper than my HMO was going to charge.

Take it slow, advice from Joe!