The One Liners

To save the international athletes travel expenses, next years Boston Marathon is going to be held in Kenya.

Tonight on Fox, House catches fire and finally gets a clean shave.

Today, President Bush endorsed John McCain, thus assuring victory for the Democrats.
Later, Obama’s Pastor and Hillary’s husband endorsed each of them, assuring victory for the Republicans.
Ralph Nader endorsed himself today, thus assuring victory for either the Democrats or the Republicans.

OJ Simpson has written a new book with a different title, which he hopes will be accepted better than the last one. The new book is called, “If I Didn’t Do It?”

The housing crisis hit home today as The White House was repossessed. Officials from the mortgage company, The Republic of China, were changing the locks and telling their citizens that it wasn’t really happening. Speculation is that the structure will be converted into a China shop.

In the nations capital today, the Lincoln Memorial stood up. Said amazed tourists, “I never realized that he was that tall!”
The Washington Wizards immediately signed him to a ten-day contract.

The Tidy bowl Man was killed in a boating accident today in Flushing, New York.
“I’m surprised that he survived as long as he did,” commented his close friend, Mr. Clean. “He just couldn’t stay out of the water.”

In a related story, Mr. Clean revealed that he’s considering getting hair implants.
“I’m getting sick of looking like a kid.”
Then, he returned to cleaning the bathroom.

Take it slow, Advice from Joe