The One Liners

A new children’s book was introduced in Palestine today called, “Green Eggs and Hamas”. Officials quickly denounced the story, claiming, “We do not like green eggs and Hamas.”

A new detective series premiers tonight in Palestine called “77 Gaza Strip”. The action thriller will star Sheik Ahmed Yassin and Troy Donohue.

It was revealed today that Iggy Pop was actually one of the original Rice Krispies. The cereal maker intends to honor Pop on Father’s Day.

Toyota complained that global warming is affecting sales of their Tundra model. “They’re melting before we can get them off the lot,” said Toyota president Honda Datsun.

Legendary funny man, Chevy Chase has moved to Maryland. It’s not clear; exactly which city he’s moved to. Said the actor, “We vacationed here once and liked it.”

The Miami Dolphins were sold to Sam’s Fish Market today for three dollars a pound.

After reading “The Wizard of Oz”, Harry Potter commented, “What a bunch of bullshit!”

Drivers rejoiced today when a new car was introduced that will not go under 85 mph and only passes on the right. The new vehicle is called the “I’mAnAsshole”, with the name clearly visible across the rear end. The sales slogan will be, “If you drive like one, buy one.” Over a million orders were placed on the first day.

Today, in a goodwill gesture, the US government sent the Iranian president a razor.

Legendary performer Whoopi Goldberg acquired Yahoo today. The new company will be called Whoopi Yahoo. Both parties said, “Yippie.”

Officials announced problems with their first car designed to run entirely on tobacco. Initially it smoked quite a bit, then it started coughing in the morning. Attempts to convert the vehicle back to gasoline have also failed. Nevertheless, over a million orders were placed on the first day.

Drive it slow, Advice from Joe