The One Liners

When asked if he was considering Carly as his vice presidential running mate, John McCain said, “Yes, especially if she sings ‘You’re So Vain’!”

Oil companies defended their record high profits today, saying that it costs a lot of money to buy all of those signs that say “4”. They claimed that the same thing happened when the price went to three dollars.

Legendary football player and professional wrestler Wahoo McDaniel married Whoopi Goldberg today. Whoopi and Wahoo are said to be very happy, especially with Whoopi’s recent acquisition of Yahoo. “I want Wahoo to work for Yahoo,” said Whoopi.

When it comes to Evaporated Milk, why is there anything in the can?

Why doesn’t Ben Franklin get credit for inventing the first electric key?

Prince William’s cover got blown in Afghanistan because of the fake name that he used, “The Soldier Formally Known As Prince William”

The candidates were shocked to hear that President Bush may not leave office in January of 2009. Apparently, he doesn’t have an exit strategy. Said his press secretary, “He hasn’t called U-Haul or started packing or anything.”

Legendary singer Eddie Arnold passed away before fulfilling his life long dream. Said his wife, Roseanne, “He always wanted to make the world go away. He’d actually sing about it!”

In a proactive move against global warming, the country of Iceland has changed their name to, Land.

When asked about his age, John McCain used Pope John Paul the Second as an example.
“He was older than me and he lived until the end of his term.”

The last member of Bob Marley’s Wailers was harphoned in a tragic accident off the coast of Greenland today. “He’ll be missed,” said Walen Jennings.

NorthSouth Airlines merged with EastWest Airlines today, creating the first carrier that goes in all directions.

Take it slow in all directions