The One Liners

President Bush pledged to do his part to conserve energy. From now on, he’s going to travel in Air force Two.

The new Frank Sinatra stamp was released today. It includes his likeness along with the logo, “I get a Lick out of you.”

Oil companies are reporting serious capacity problems that could affect supply. Officials said, “Our bank accounts are at capacity. We are going to have to explore and open new bank accounts while meeting the worlds demands.”

Our local hardware store had one of those “We pay the sales tax” promotions last weekend. Well I went in, specifically to buy Sales Tax. It didn’t cost me a thing!
I went ahead and got two boxes.

The PGA declined an offer to extend their tour to Iraq. Said Tiger Woods, “Have you seen the sand traps over there?”

Bowing to changing times, the makers of Burma-Shave have renamed their product, Myanmar-Shave.

To reduce the size of SUV’s, automakers will now refer to them as SU’s.

In order to conform with the Truth in Advertising regulations, during their next tour, The Beach Boys will change their names to The Beach Men.

In an attempt to encourage recycling in Iraq, they are changing the largest city’s name to Paper Baghdad. Naturally, the terrorists want to call it Plastic Baghdad.

After a yearlong study, it was determined that oil actually costs the same as it did back in 1926. The problem is that the cost of metal barrels has increased dramatically. An empty tin barrel costs $97.50.

Sadness in the frozen food industry today as the Pauls have separated.
Said Mr. Paul, “I’m so sick of fish sticks!”
Mrs. Paul claimed infidelity by Mr. Paul, saying that he and Mrs. Jones had a thing going on.”