The One Liners

Ronald McDonald was booed off the stage today by a group of handicapped children that he was hired to entertain. Said the organizer, “How did we know that he wasn’t a real clown?”

NASA announced that the next space shuttle would be flown the legendary Commander Cody.
“It feels good to get behind the wheel again,” said Cody, who caused his father’s drinking problems back when he drove a Lincoln.

In an effort to shorten the time between space flights, NASA announced that they are reducing the countdown from, “10, 9, 8…” to “5, 4, 3…”

The majority of the super delegates have thrown their support to Clark Kent.

Due to budget cuts, NBC fired the Peacock today.
Mr. Cock appeared agitated as he left the office after being given his flying papers.

To help fight the war against terrorists, FEMA is sending a shipment of trailers to Iraq.

Former baseball pitcher Tim Belcher was cured today when scientists created an antacid strong enough for even him. Said Belcher, “I wonder if this would have worked for Wyatt Earp?”

Miss America shocked officials today when she requested to use her maiden name. Pageant coordinators quickly recorded a version of “There she is, Miss Smith.”

Legendary actor Ben Gazarra has sued his former doctor. “He said that I had a year to live, and that was forty-five years ago!”
Gazarra claims to have shin splints from doing all that running.
Ironically, the doctor died a year after making the diagnosis.

With global warming, Russian officials are finding that being sent to Siberia isn’t as bad as it used to be. “It’s actually quite nice up there,” said a vacationing Vladimir Putin.

Take it slow, Siberia Joe