The One Liners

Hillary announced that she’s running for govenor of West Virginia.

Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs met with Egyptian leaders today in an effort to improve relations between the two countries. Egypt was unimpressed, calling Sam a hoax.

Bill Clinton is writing a sequel to his autobiography, “My Life”. The new book will be called, “My Wife”.

Tony Bennett is considering a heart transplant. Years ago, he left his in San Francisco and nobody has ever returned it despite numerous pleas from the owner.

The Homeless problem has been solved in The City today.
In a related story, all of the tigers escaped from the zoo.

Every Mother’s Day, the president places flowers on the grave of the unknown mother.

Mayor Ray Nagy complained to Congress today, saying that they’ve forgotten New Orleans. Congressmen conceded that they could not recall the city that he was referring to.

Hillary got bad news on Sunday when she was invited to be on “Don’t Meet The Press”.

I found a way to stop living paycheck to paycheck.
I quit my job.

My accountant told me to live within my means,
but I didn’t know what he meant.

The San Francisco Giants have made Barry Zito their hitting coach.

I play the “home” version of the Lottery.
I just wad up a dollar bill and toss it in the garbage can.
Quick. Easy. No trip to the store.

When asked if he would go on the game show circuit after he leaves office, President Bush said, “To Tell The Truth’ isn’t on the air anymore, is it?”