The One Liners

In keeping up with the changing times, a new game show is being introduced where the Loser is given a new SUV.

You can only be given a new lease on life, if you rent.

My wife walked out on me. That’ll happen with the high price of gas.

I had an expensive trip to the gas station today. I asked the kid to check my oil and he told me that I was a barrel low.

My wife thinks that I’m a carpenter. She told me to hit the bricks.

When I filled up yesterday, I tried to use my gas card and they insisted on running a credit check.

In an attempt to solve the illegal immigration problems, Mexican officials announced that they are changing the name of their country to Estados Unidos.

I remember the day that my father said, “Son, I need to talk to you about sex.”
I said, “Yeah Dad, what do you want to know?”

Shock in the country music world today as it was discovered that Minnie’s Pearls were fake.
The investigation has now turned to Dolly Parton.

Tonight on FOX, House takes a second mortgage out on himself.

Breaking news from Milwaukee today as Papst Brewing Company announced they won the blue ribbon back in 1882.

Police stormed a nudist colony today in what’s being called the longest raid in history.
After the raid, each officer was disciplined for being out of uniform.