The One Liners

“1-800-Mattress” is changing their phone number to “1-900-Mattress”.
Operators are lying by.

Attempts to grant sainthood for John Paul the Second ran into a snag today. Technically, the candidate must perform a miracle, and apparently his meeting with Smokey Robinson doesn’t qualify.

How come the bible never mentions Madonna’s singing career?

John McCain offered a forecast of what it will be like in 2013.
“There’ll be a high pressure area moving into the northwest which will bring a band of showers to the Dakotas…”

Hillary claims to have picked up another state as Joe Montana endorsed her.

The legendary singer, Seal married former TV star Flipper today. The couple is honeymooning at sea.

With the new ruling on marriage in California, President Bush restated his position that marriage is only legal between two Republicans.

To help promote use of ethanol, a new singing duo has been formed called “Corn and Oats”.
“I’ll do most of the singing,” said lead singer, Daryl Corn.

Junior Walker and The All Stars lost to the Vancouver Cauncks last night, fifty-two to nothing. The All Stars were no match for the big Cauncks, especially Junior.

It’s summertime!
You know what I say to ladies who wear tank tops?
Tanks.

Tanks a lot from Joe