The One Liners

Tiger Woods ain’t so great. He’s never won the Gulf of Mexico.

Airlines are now going to charge extra for the first bag.
Will that be paper or plastic?

Do you realize that if Timmy had a cell phone,
Lassie would have become obsolete.

My wife drives like Danica Patrick.
Around in circles.

When critics complained about the length of the war, President Bush said,
“Hey, Star Wars went on for four movies!”

It was discovered that the famous TV dog was actually named Rin Tin and that the little kid who owned him, stuttered.

Tonight on Fox, House looses all of his friends, making him uninhabited.

Barbara Streisand has become a vegetarian and will make a new movie called, “Lentil”.

The World’s record for the longest dramatic pause was broken today by legendary Jim Rome when he said, “Good…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………morning.”
The previous record was held by legendary Paul Harvey when he said, “Good…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………day.”

One cannibal says to the other cannibal,
“Did you like Charley?”
“No, I hated his guts.”

Chew it slow, Advice from Joe