The One Liners # 52

Man, times are changing! A guy asked me if I could spare a dollar for some food.
I asked, “Do you have change for a hundred?”
He said, “Yes.”

To help farmers improve their aim, barns will no longer be produced with a broad side.

Hillary said that she would concede as soon as she was named vice president.

We had an earthquake out here in California, and (as usual) I had somebody call from back east and ask if we were all right.
I said, “No! Have you seen the economy? And what about that war? And how about global warming?”

They’re making a new movie that combines all of the television shows that starred the legendary Bill Bixby. It’s called, “My Favorite Courtship of Eddie’s Hulk”.

Good news from the space station today, as they got the toilet repaired.
Their only complaint was that the guy was three hours late.

They asked Beau Bridges if he was close to his father when he was growing up.
“No, he was always under water.”

Legendary Paul Anka has agreed to play the role of Gene Pitney in “The Roy Orbison Story”. Anka is currently on the road with his “Having My Baby” Tour.

The world’s greatest baseball umpire died today. Microphones were on hand to record his last words when he said, “I’m out!”

My wife said, “Honey, could you stop by Costco and pick up a years worth of toilet paper?”

Use it slow, Advice from Joe