The One Liners #57

My doctor told me that I have a problem with my rotator cuff.
To think that I had just solved my problems with ring around the collar.

I can always tell when my wife wants to fight if I come home and a guy in a tuxedo introduces me as I walk in.
“Coming out first, from Novato, California weighing one-hundred and forty seven pounds….”

I like to multi-task.
I just can’t do it at the same time.

My doctor told me to loose weight, so I became a nudist.

After my last doctors appointment, the neighbors asked me to gain weight.

The rising price of gas is affecting country music artists, as its just too expensive to write songs about pickup trucks anymore.
Said Garth Brooks, “I can’t think of anything that rhymns with Prius.”

I cleaned my refrigator this morning. I ate the last thing in it.

Legondary Dionne Warwick was named honorary mayor of San Jose today for all of the publicity that her song has brought to the town over the years.
Ms Warwick did not attend, as she was unable to find the city.

The most recent bicyclist to fail a drug test has offered the most honest explaination ever.
“I didn’t study for it.”

Study slow, Advice from Joe