The One Liners #58

All tomatoes have been removed from the food supply over fears of salmonella.
Comedians are rejoicing around the world over the news.
Said Author Joe Dyson, “I wish this would happen to watermelons!”

If gas gets any more expensive, it could solve global warming.

Ben Bernanke announced that he is optimistic about the recovery.
“Between the surgery and the chemotherapy, I’m sure that he’ll be fine.”

They expanded our local Wal-Mart. All their stuff is over at my house now.

It was announced that legendary Terrell Owens missed a random drug test recently.
Random is a drug that is widely tested by football players and cheerleaders alike.
“I like Random,” said Owens. “I’m sorry that I missed the test.”

Legendary Ken Griffey Jr. hit the 600th homerun of his career recently. Griffey Jr. hit the blast off of his father, legendary Ken Griffey Sr.
That’s the five hundred and ninety-fifth home run that Griffey Sr. has given up to Griffey Jr. during his career.

Hands Free Phones are great.
Now you can use both hands while driving into the car in front of you.

Is it possible to watch Reality TV and still have a Fictional life?

Chinese leaders celebrated the nineteen anniversary of ‘Tiananmen Square not happening’. Said a Chinese official, “I don’t remember it like it was yesterday.”

Remember it slow, Advice from Joe