The One Liners #75

Public Transportation wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to ride with the public.

With gas prices going up, there has been an increase in citations for
Walking Under the Influence.

You know how to get people not to follow so close on the freeway?
Put on a bumper sticker that says, “I brake for tailgaters”

To attract younger buyers, the car dealer has a new slogan:
“This is not John McCain’s Buick”

I’m looking forward to that new acoustic album, Alice In Chains – “Unchained”

Tonight on FOX, House is given an ultimatum: Either grow a beard or shave!

I went to a sidewalk sale.
You know, you’ve got to move those things yourself?

I said, “A cup of coffee, please, and hold the cream.”
The waitress brought me the coffee and it had cream in it.
I say, “Lady, I told you to hold the cream.”
She said, “I tried to, but it leaked through my fingers.”

Have you seen that new robot girl friend being released this month?
Hell, Bob Cummings had one of those, thirty years ago.
Hello Julie Newmar.

Hello slow, Advice from Joe