The One Liners

Is it a coincidence that everything has gotten really expensive, just after Bob Barker left “The Price Is Right”?

To help youngsters understand the dangers of sex, there’s a new movie starring a lovable VW Bug named Herpes.

The military is trying to cope with the high price of gas by introducing, “Ride your bike to war” day.

People are so friendly out here in California.
Like, I’ll be driving down the freeway in the left lane doing forty miles per hour, and everybody’s waving at me!

Legendary Anita Baker is changing her name to Anita Singer.
Said Singer, “I can’t bake.”

Did you hear about the guy who flew in a lawn chair attached to helium balloons?
The flight was successful, however his baggage ended up in Miami.

Victoria revealed her secret today when she told reporters,
“I don’t wear any underwear.”

Officials have come up with a new immigration idea that will eliminate border crossings while still allowing our crops to be harvested. Farmers are being asked to plant their crops in a straight line along the border.

Convenience store 7-11 is laying off their evening shift and changing their name to 7-3:30.

TV officials announced the end of era today as they introduced a new program called, “The Death of Riley.”
Legendary actor William Bendix has been signed to play the lead character. Said officials, “He’s fully qualified, both having played ‘Riley’ and being dead.”

Die slow, Advice from Joe