The One Liners #104

In a recent poll, Peposdent users admitted having trouble sleeping.
Most lay awake at night, wondering where the yellow went.

My Internet connection is so slow that Hillary is still in the race.

Embarrassed officials admitted today that they’ve accidentally built the new border fence around New Mexico.
Joked one official, “Let’s see Glen Campbell get to Albuquerque now!”

I found out how to turn off that “Check Engine” light.
A ball-peen hammer.

A man was arrested today for impersonating the legendary Rich Little.
He’d been doing the impression for years, however nobody noticed.

A new report says that the south has the highest obesity rates.
When people gain weight, it tends to go south.

Preliminary data shows that 2007 was a record for births in the U.S.
Let me just say, I was nowhere near there at the time!

My wife said that I don’t plan for the future.
So I asked her what we’re having for dinner.

Nelson Mandela celebrated his birthday recently, while remembering his days in Motown singing with Martha and the Mandelas.

Celebrate slow, Advice from Joe