The One Liners #105

Pope Benedict met with the pilgrims today and said,
“I thought you guys went to America back in the seventeen hundreds.”

A federal report found poor conditions at Cook County Jail.
“Those guys are living behind bars in there!” cried reporters.

More trouble for the president of Sudan today.
He went out to the parking lot and couldn’t remember which Sudan was his.

John McCain called for the mass production of electric cars in his lifetime.
“After all, we’ve seen the discovery of electricity during my lifetime.”

With the closing of so many Starbucks, CBS is having trouble keeping the eye open.

I got one of those inexpensive teeth whitening kits.
It’s a spray can that says Sherwin Williams on it.

A skydiver recently crashed into a military band, injuring several members.
The band quickly started playing, “Seventy-three Trombones In the Orchestra”

A Wisconsin woman was charged with offering sex to get out of being arrested by police.
In a related story, thousands of men have enrolled in the Martin Milner Police Academy.

The tomato scare is over, however the damage is done.
Thousands of bad comedians have gotten on stage since the shortage began.
Said Author Joe Dyson, “I owe my entire career to the Watermelon Scare of 1979”.

Throw them slow, Advice from Joe