The One Liners #78

I used to pick up women, but then I threw out my back.

When asked why he won’t accept public money, Obama explained,
“They don’t have any.”

It seems like a lot of people mistake the Highway Number signs as the Speed Limit.
I drove to work on Hwy 37 and the truck in front of me drove 37 mph the entire way. Then, I turned on to Interstate 80, and everybody drove 80 mph. There was no way that I was going to turn on to Interstate 580!
Instead, I hung a left on 65th Avenue.
The next thing I knew, I got pulled over.
The cop said that I was going 65 in a 35 zone.
I said, “Officer, if I wanted to go 35, I would have taken 35th Street.

A speech therapist has been hired to help people stop using racial slurs.
So far, he’s had great success solving the problem of slurring; however the racial part still needs a little more work.

I like this idea of a hands-free telephone while driving.
Personally, I don’t own a cell phone,
but I do like to sing while I drive.
Nobody stares at me, anymore.

In an effort to make world leaders more comfortable with him, Robert Mugabe has asked them to call him, “Bob.”

I can’t figure out this new GPS system that I bought.
No matter what I do, it keeps flashing twelve o’clock.

Flash it slow, Advice from Joe