The One Liners #87

When asked if he’d ever ride in the Tour de France again, Lance Armstrong said,
“No, I can’t fit into the pants anymore.”

When asked if he had any regrets, Dan Rather said,
“Yes, that George Bush actually did serve in The National Guard.”

Government officials stated that Iran’s missile test was ‘provocative’.
Close-up photos clearly show the missile dressed in sexy lingerie.

They’re making a new chewing gum for people without any teeth.
It’s called, “Gum”

News from Hollywood that Nicole Kidman gave birth to a kid.
“You’re kidding,” commented Kid Rock.

When President Bush was asked what he was going to take with him from his years at The White House, he said,
“The towels.”

The G8 Conference ended with global leaders vowing to reduce emissions.
They all agreed to stop talking.

Baseball legend Alex Rodriguez and his wife have separated.
Soon, details will be released on how Alex Rodriquez and his money will be separated.

Polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs was hospitalized recently with an unknown illness.
His only request was for multiple unmarried nurses.

Marry them slow, Advice from Joe