The One Liners #94

The residents of a Florida city have all agreed to loose weight, prompting them to rename their community, Diet Pensacola.

My neighbor cleaned out his garage last weekend.
He told his son to move out.

In an effort to trim their product line, Ford is considering closing the Betty Ford Clinic.
This comes upon the heels of GM’s announcement that they are closing Pontiac, Michigan.

A world’s record was set today for the “Longest Passing of Gas by a Human Being” – Three days and forty-seven minutes.
City officials immediately declared a “Spare the Air” Day.
Said one official, “For God’s sake, don’t light a match!”

Distillers announced the creation of a new hard liquor today.
The new hard liquor will be called, “Viagra Bourbon”.

I’m always ahead of the trend. I’ve been driving high mileage cars for years.
My current car has over two hundred thousand miles on it.

My friend lives on the Riviera.
He sleeps in an old Buick.

Officials have ordered policeman to stop asking speeders where the fire is.
“From now on, we’ll only ask the fireman,” said the police chief. “Providing, of course, that they’re speeding.”

Drive it slow, Advice from Joe