The One Liners #110

It was announced today that the IndyMac 500 would not be run next year.

They told me that Conan O’Brien was going to host a nightly TV show.
I said, “When?”
They said, “Tonight.”

To replace their injured catcher, the Yankees acquired Pudge Rodriguez.They immediately told Pudge to loose weight.
Pudge denied having a weight problem, claiming that they have no evidence.

Obama has agreed to visit Jordan. Said the candidate,
“I’ve always wanted to meet Michael.”

Two satellites crashed into each other last night,
completing the merger of XM and Sirius.

Facebook announced plans to expand to other parts of the body today.
Officials say that Legbook will be up and running shortly.

John McCain accused Danica Patrick of playing the race card today.

The Phoenix Lander confirmed the existence of ice on Mars after lifting the substance on board and dropping it into tiny glasses of bourbon.

Disaster as I tried to do stand up comedy at a sports bar last night.
Instead of hitting a home run, I ended up having to run home.

Don’t run slow, Advice from Joe