The One Liners #132

Remember when “9/11” stood for a “7/11” that opened two hours late?

Boeing Machinists rolled off the job today.
Officials cursed the day that they installed wheels on those machines.

Defending his claims that he still owned the memorabilia,
OJ said that he still has two outstanding parking tickets on that Bronco.

McCain and Palin claim to be ‘agents of change’
With 12 kids between them, they’re probably right.

After acting with Seinfeld in a recent commercial,
Bill Gates has been signed to play the lead role in “The Barry Manalow Story”.

The TV show, “True Blood” turned out to be chocolate syrup.

Am I wrong to dream about Fantasy Football?

A UPS driver was awarded for driving the same truck for one million miles.
The plaque for his achievement will be Fed Exed to him.

Every TV dinner has the same instruction: Cover with foil.
I bought a new brand, read the instructions and said, “Foiled again.”

A pitcher broke his hand from punching a wall after giving up a homerun.
It was the second homerun hit by the wall that night.

Punch it slow, Advice from Joe