The One Liners #143

I asked my wife why her favorite team was the Giants.
She said, because size matters.

After the Janet Jackson incident during the SuperBowl,
officials want to bring instant replay to the half time show.

Bob Schieffer explained why he’s retiring from his weekly TV show.
“I just can’t Face the Nation anymore.”

I said, “Judge, we find the defendant guilty as charged.”
The defendant jumped up and vowed to kill all of us jurors.
I said, “Aaaa, Judge, they find the defendant guilty as charged.”

The Pope announced that he’s going to talk in Latin from now on…
but nobody understood him.

My employer asked if I had a green card.
I said, “No, but I recycle.”

A production plant accidentally released Viagra into a local lake.
Officials noticed that the fish were suffering from headaches, facial flushing, upset stomachs and erections that lasted longer than four hours.

I guess that I need surgery.
My boss said that he’s going to replace my laptop.

Replace it slow, Advice from Joe