The One Liners #165

If you have a two-headed cow,
you still only have one head of steer.

Officials from Greyhound have instructed their drivers to stop sending text messages that say, “And leave the driving to us.”

Upon hearing that prisoners are paid a token salary for working on the rock pile,
the Goldman’s have filed another suit against OJ.

Rumors that Steve Jobs had died are completely false.
Apparently, his computer died.

I don’t mind if I can’t pick up the new shows on my analog TV.
I like all the old shows.

I try not to use the “F” word at work. Instead, I say,
“I appear to have completely misunderstood your instructions and did the exact opposite to what you requested.”

My arm is so bad that I can’t hit the broad side of a broad.

I forgot that it was flu season.
When they said that they were giving out shots at work,
I brought along a designated driver.

That Kenny G is always tooting his own horn.

Big BONUS Day from Old Joe. Look below for an extra set of gags. Today only!