The One Liners #190

I went on the ‘Seven Day Meal Plan Challenge’,
but I only had enough food stamps for six days.

I just put my dog on a special diet. Here’s this week’s menu:
Monday: Grilled Mailman Leg
Tuesday: Cold Milkman ankle
Wednesday: Gravy Train without the gravy
Thursday: Kennel Ration and I mean, Ration.
Friday: Peter Cotton’s Tail

I like driving rain.
I can’t afford to drive my car anymore.

I used up all my sick days,
so on the seventh day, I rested.

The concept of the “Amber Alert” is based on the 1960’s program called,
“Burkes Law” which notified authorities if Gene Barry was missing.

Regarding the economy, I keep hearing officials say that there’s ‘no silver bullet’.
Well, why don’t we just shoot it with a normal bullet?

My wife told me that I need help,
so I befriended a lifeguard.

Donald Trump’s house burned down today.
Emergency crews were slow to respond because he called 911 and yelled, “You’re fired”

Fire them slow, Advice from Joe