The One Liners #212

My intention was to get my body back in shape,
but it (I) just didn’t work out.

Robert Gates is going to remain on as Secretary of Defense.
Obama says that the troops surrounding Gates office did not affect his decision.

Baseball slugger Manny Ramirez may join the Fannie Mae Company.
His agent says that its just Manny being Fannie.

Embarrassed scientists admitted that the Hubble Telescope has actually been pointing back at our own galaxy. That could explain the eight planets that they’ve found so far.

NASA announced that the space shuttle could last three years longer than planned if they got them valve jobs and a new set of rings.

Brady Quinn’s broken finger will cause him to miss the rest of the hitchhiking season.

Barbara Bush has been told that her ulcer should heal as soon as her son leaves office

I was stuck in such a traffic jam that I turned on the lights and siren and drove past everybody.
Regarding the above story: Lights and siren sold separately.

My doctor told me to use Compound W.
I said, “But Doc, what’s wrong with me?”
He said, “Do I have to spell it out?”

Spell it slow, Advice from Joe