The One Liners #214

I’m in favor of gun control.
Speed radar guns.

How to get lenders to forgive your debits:
· Tell them that you’re really, really sorry
· Admit that you were a dumb asset.
· Say to them, “My bad”
· Bake them debit-free cookies
· Tell them that President Bush made you do it

Now that there’s no money left to borrow, the new saying is:
“Beg and Steal”

Paul McCartney denied that “Eleanor Rigby” was a real person.
Now, there are rumors that Paul’s Father was named “McKenzie”.

My 401K is finally increasing again. I stopped contributing to it.

A witness says that Michael Vick had his own house pets fighting pit bulls.
One report said, “That goldfish didn’t have a chance.”

They said that I had ties to the mob.
Actually, I have ties to the mop.

When the space shuttle Endeavour returned, the first request from the astronaunts was for a glass of water that hadn't already been drunk by somebody else yet.

Spin them slow, Advice from Joe