The One Liners #215

You know, my book would make a great Christmas gift for that certain someone.
I mean, with the high price of coal nowadays…

Researchers announced that getting less than seven hours of sleep might cause cancer.
This was of concern to CitiGroup, who tends to never sleep.

Kieffer Sutherland does a guest shot on House where he’s given 24 Hours to live.

They say that all of the Suppliers would go out of business if the auto industry fails.
If the government bails out the car companies, wouldn’t they become a Supplier?

Cars will no longer turn over during rollover accidents. They will now go belly up.

There are problems with plans to run cars on cod liver oil.
The cars keep shaking their hoods and refusing to take it.

The highjackers claimed that they weren’t Somalia pirates, instead saying that they were Salami pirates. Officials doubted that statement by saying, “Somalia, Salami, Baloney.”

I told my doctor that I was having sexual problems.
He suggested, “Cialis.”
I said, “See Alice who?”

After sampling the output from the Space Station’s new water machine,
astronauts commented, “It tastes just like chicken.”

Drink it slow, Advice from Joe