The One Liners #233

To reduce the number of times that I have to get up during the night,
I’ve stopped eating cheese whiz.

Because of his experience with dogs, Michael Vick may get out early for good behavior.
So far, he can sit up and roll over.

Tough economic times are making people urn for the old days of 2007

To keep cars being manufactured in the United States,
the senate is considering buying Japan.

If she gains any more weight,
Oprah might become a member of The Big Three.

My friend told me that he hadn’t had sex in a month.
I said, “Divorce will do that.”

Don’t ever ask a cat for a back massage.

Office Depot announced that it’s going to lay off 112 offices.

The NFL has announced that it will cut 150 jobs after the Super Bowl.
It’s not clear which team will be eliminated.

Cut them slow, Advice from Joe