The One Liners #245

Well, Happy New Year. Our cars just depreciated.

Never put your cart ahead of your horse.
It hurts his nose and upper torso.

I didn’t mind that my blind date had pigtails.
It was the oinking that drove me nuts.

My mother didn’t want me to become a pilot.
She was always grounding me.

My girlfriend said that she was crazy about me.
I said, “Don’t blame it on me”

My wife uses big words. This morning, she told me that I was superfluous.

I used to watch a soap opera about a loyal husband called, “One Wife to Live”.

There was a soap opera about former House Speaker Gingrich.
It was called, “The Edge of Newt”

Clothing sales are mixed, as pants are down and blouses are up.

Reports say that the US will double its presence in Afghanistan Afghanistan.

During a job interview, they asked me if I could pee in a cup.
I said, “No thank you. I took care of that before I left.”

Do it slow, Advice from Joe