The One Liners #246

My mother could never make up her mind. She always said to me,
“One of these days!”

The Eagles could never make up their minds. They always said,
“One of these Nights”

Raul Castro’s favorite part about being President is flying around in
Crop Duster One.

My wife thinks that sex is a place.
Every time I bring up the subject, she says, “Let’s not go there.”

My Father has bottles of every kind of Old Spice.
He’s a man for all seasons.

Doctors and programmers have performed the first Facebook transplant.

Weepy the Clown was buried today. As a tribute, fans wore Weepy makeup to the funeral. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

When I go up before Saint Peter, I’m hoping to get an acquittal.

My wife likes to be fashionably late to affairs.
This afternoon, we’re going to her company’s Christmas Party.

A guy, who I haven’t seen in years, took a shot at me.
That was sure a blast from the past.

I didn’t say that I dye my hair. I said that my hair died.

Diet slow, Advice from Joe